3 am

It is finished.
That blasted research paper.
Now on to packing for that Ukraine trip- when is that again? oh yeah...TOMORROW.
I've kissed sleeping goodbye.
But thats okay cuz it was gonna be the couch for me anyway because this is what my room looks like:


weird, huh?
The UPS peeps came today and took it all away. They were cool tho- nice married couple that do this together- how fun is that?



This is still so surreal...it's been such a whirlwind. I feel like I've been packing forever...and will be packing forever.
We leave for Ukraine tomorrow morning. Meeting at Alpha, driving to Indy, flying to Detroit, then an 8 hr flight to Amsterdam-Schiphol, Netherlands than a 3 hr flight to Kiev-Borispol, Ukraine. CRAZINESS. It still hasn't hit me that I'm seriously flying across the globe in a few hours...hahaha I really should start packing.
Pray for our team- I have no idea really what we're doing, but I promise I'll take a gazillion pictures and tell you all about it when we get back.

We get back here Sunday morning the 8th. Then I fly out of Chicago to Alaska really early on Tuesday morning (now THAT trip really hasn't settled in yet and I don't like really thinking about the realities of that too much cuz I get teary).

It's all happening sooo fast.

I still need to figure out my car. Seriously, any takers?? :)

so i was somewhat in a funk this morning. This picture captures it well I think...



Thankfully, God softened my heart during my shower- weeping was good for my soul.

I am glad I can be a part of his redemptive work this weekend...

goodbye to my girls...

long last weekend at lifeline... one of the coworkers had an injury so i ended up working at Riverwood and then finishing out with a third shift at Phase II. I'm so grateful this is my last 48 hr Lifeline shift EVER. Thank you Lord. I won't miss working those ridiculous hours, but I will miss my coworkers who became good friends and of course the girls! It was nice to spend time with my girls and say goodbye in my own special way. Our photo shoots were fun too!














I love my girls... what an honor to be a part of their lives!

My dad is my hero

Seriously, my love and respect keeps growing for this man!! He was amazing today... helping me pack and dissemble my bed, researching shipping options, sharing wisdom with me and my roommate and engaging in deep conversations about abuse and church leadership and the similarities between African and Native Alaskan cultures... This man is amazing. To think I took him for granted for so many years. I am so grateful that maturity comes as I age...

So another awesome gift from God (via my Dad) is related to my plane ticket back home. If there is one task my Dad will always do for me, it is booking my flights. He is a phenomenal travel agent, I tell you what... :) He knows the ins and outs plus travels so much he racks up miles and can use them for perks for different airlines. Well he gave me the greatest gift today... 20,000 of his airline miles, which he was able to trade in for a FREE first class ticket home for me!!!! Amazing!!! As we were looking for nonstop flights, he mentioned offhand that one had a 8-hr layover in Seattle. I got super excited, because my stellar friend Mindy lives in Seattle! So a quick phone call and a few more minutes of Dad working his travel agent magic and it was all set!! I'm leaving on Tuesday morning June 10th out of Chicago then spending the day with Mindy exploring Seattle and then will continue my travels (first class, baby!) to Anchorage!!! It will be a long but glorious day! Seeing my friend Mindy will be an extra dose of sweet to my bittersweet emotions as I embark on this new chapter...

THANKS DAD!!!

library...check!

So the inside of my arms are kinda scrapped up, but it felt great to check off the first of many items on my to-do list. Packing and taping up 4 boxes of books, each weighing 47, 43, 45, and 44 lbs respectively can really do a number on a girl! You should've seen me lugging them in the Winona Lake post office... thanks to those few random strangers who were kind enough to hold a door or two! :) I ended up having to go back home because my initial taping job was not sufficient. An hour later, my arms were massacred from turning those boxes over and over, but I can confidently deem those boxes indestructible- it doesn't get much more secure than that! So I sent my library north ahead of me...although with media mail there is a good chance I'll beat them home :)

Today holds more productivity for me. I'm still putting off that horrid Research & Stats paper assignment, but my thinking is if I can get some of this packing out of the way then I can crank out the paper next week! Oh how I can justify my procrastination... :)

Alyssa will be here in 38 minutes to help me go through 6 years of accumulated things. There will be many Goodwill runs before the day is out...

Anyone interested in a 2000 Ford Focus? Or know of a shipping company that could get the things I don't want to part with to Alaska??

highlights of yesterday:

Giving the healing gift of massage to a friend. Many of you may not know, but massage is definitely one of my gifts and something I am passionate about! I almost went to massage school instead of Grace, but I'm glad my life took this route. Nevertheless, massage continues to be one of my hobbies and I enjoy opportunities to break out the oils and further hon my skills.



Prayer night is always a highlight of my week. Last night Laura opened up her home and cooked a yummy lasagna meal for us. It was great to hear about everyone's week and share where we each are at... and then to talk to the Lord together. It was a beautiful thing.






The night could have ended then and been perfect, but God had another little treat in store for 1313... The first disk of season two of HOUSE had arrived earlier that day (thank you, Netflix!!) so roomies and I curled up with tea to watch Hugh Laurie in his element. Our goal is to get through season two before I leave... we'll see how that goes :)

glorious day!!

anyone who knows me knows that I'm bad with favorites, but if you were to inquire as to my favorite store, I dont even think I'd hesitate. Maurices. I've been there within the last week! :) I have a feeling I'll be frequenting it a few more times before the big move as well- why? because we don't have one in Alaska and therefore I can justify purchasing more pieces to supplement the wardrobe...a girl needs new work clothes! :)

This entire day was glorious. I met my dear friend Kari at Courthouse Coffee and then we found some amazing deals at Maurices together. We split ways for a few hours- while she played soccer I ate lunch and attempted productivity at 1313. Then I met Kari near the trailhead in Winona and we embarked on a biking adventure. I hadn't ridden a bike in years...it was so much fun! We biked the trails then took to the streets, traveling through town to Pike's lake. It felt so amazing to be outside in the fresh air on this perfect day, so therapeutic for body and soul. We got back just in time for me to hop in Fiona the Focus and head to the counseling center for my 4'oclock client. Then I met Kari at Hacienda for the delicious Monday special...gotta love their famous wet burrito.



We had just enough down time afterwards to stop by Bath-n-Body Works so Kari could use her coupon (amazingly enough, I didn't buy anything there! It has to be a first! I'm a sucker for their marketing schemes!). While browsing that tasty smelling store, I introduced Kari to the amazing smoothing powers of the sugar scrub. She is still marveling the smoothness of her skin...





Next we headed over to North Pointe with time to spare before the start of our movie. I instantaneously saw a brilliant photo opp and we used the extra time well...








All in all, a great day. It was nice to come home with my bag of new clothes, put on pajamas and relax on the couch to enjoy a truffle and a glass of wine. Tomorrow I will be suffering from a bad case of bicycle butt, but for now I am basking in the gloriousness that was today. Thank you Lord :)

the surreal is chipping away...

I broke the news to my girls at Lifeline this weekend. My voice managed to stay calm and light hearted as I explained to them why I was leaving, but my heart felt anything but light as I observed their reactions during that house meeting. Their actual responses varied greatly, but unanimously showed me that I had underestimated my importance in their lives. Faces fell, notebooks were thrown down, some girls went silent while others verbally protested, some withdrew and avoided me the rest of the day while several created excuses to be close. I felt incredibly loved and yet overwhelmingly sad... and that feeling of sadness continued to tug at my heart today.

Church was especially meaningful to me this morning, because I realized it was the last time Alyssa and I would be going to church together, playing "mom" to our entourage of girls. After the move, I would not only be adjusting to a very different church, but I would be looking for 1 seat instead of 10... a wave of loneliness came over me and the intensity brought silent tears. I hugged my friend as the growing awareness of what will be lost ached inside me. In the midst of that sad realization, God provided comfort through this song.

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

Deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I travel
Wider than the gap You filled

Who shall separate us
Who shall separate us from Your love
Nothing can separate us
Nothing can separate us from Your love

I am still confident that God is calling me to move to Alaska. I am still at peace about the move, and all the aspects that made me excited still do. Since accepting this job offer, the entire move has seemed somewhat surreal. To date my voice tone and attitude in all my conversations and active planning have reflected a carefree, positive outlook. Yet inside me all along has been a murky mess of conflicting feelings. I don't understand the timing of this process, but over the last few days sad feelings have been rising to the surface of my ambivalence. If you were to approach me today upon hearing news of my move and give me a hug, you would be far more likely to experience my tears.

feeling the love...

some highlights from this week so far...

dinner with my childhood friend Laura:

surprise party @ the counseling center:the date of my first counseling apt

i lost it here...

i love these women...

Bonnie taught me all I know about working with kids!

Bill!!

Kathy, Me, Leah

Me and my girls- Hannah & Laura

Coffee date with Hannah:

Spontaneous lunch dates with Mel:

Amazing taco salad made by Hannah/prayer night @ 1313:

Amazing congradulatory treats from brother!!!

mocha truffles!!!
strawberry wine!!


His first Schoops experience... :)


Some soul sisters from Cancer Support Group...these women are warriors!


some of our little family :)
(not everyone could be with us tonight)