without pretense...

2009-05-18T16:41:00.005-04:00

Hello friends.... where has the time gone? Memorial Day weekend is just around the corner, and June will rapidly follow...

Alaska has been BEAUTIFUL! things are finally turning green and the weather has been gorgeous! The days are getting long, it has still been light out when I arrive at my childcare gig at 11pm. I love it!

Speaking of childcare (aka job #2 of 3), I did not expect to receive firearm training when I showed up to the cabin last Friday. Apparently there have been more break-ins in the Sterling area and the mom wanted to make sure I could defend her house and her boys! With the 22, both single and double barrel 12 gauge shotguns and an amble supply of ammo, I was good to go! If anyone tries to come into THIS cabin, they're in for a surprise... ;)

Michael graduates from Skyview High School on Tuesday. He's planning on going to Seattle Pacific University in the fall. He's been focusing on track and music the last few months, and its been paying off. His band, the Band Next Door (BND) recently had fun recording their first demo, and are trying to get as many shows in before the boys leave for school in the fall. They will be opening for Everyday Sunday later this summer, and possibly Thousand Foot Krutch as well.

Michael dominated the 110 Hurdles at regions this past weekend, and shaved 1/2 a second off his PR! State, here we come! Secretly I was most excited that he beat this kid from So-Hi who thinks he's all that and apparantly trash talks like no other. Michael just beat him and walked away! SO PROUD! Here's pics from the last two weekends- the SoHi kid is on Michael's right...

and here he is finishing at Regions! the other guys aren't even off the ground yet!! :)

Katie just got home from Indiana for the summer. It's great to have her back! She's working at Angler's Lodge for the summer...and I'm secretly hoping to get hooked up with a guided fishing trip like we did last year! :)

David comes home from Paris the first of June- he'll be in Alaska for a week then headed back to Indiana (I think...who knows with him!) I'm looking forward to seeing him and having a sibling photoshoot!

Speaking of photos, I'm slowly but surely continuing to lose weight/tone up. And I got my nose pierced last week. I LOVE it! Its cute/sexy and fits me well! :) Pictures will be forthcoming. I'd post some now, but my camera is officially kapoot. The tribe had the Grand Celebration at the opening of the fish net for the summer season, and in the midst of playing with kids and sandcastles I got sand in my camera and...yeah the rest is history. So now its an excuse to upgrade!!! hehe...any camera suggestions? My computer quit on me again and, after much consulting and belaboring, I decided to convert....my macbook is on its way! :)

Alright, I've rebelled and neglected today's to-do list long enough...I'm off! It was nice, though, to linger at my mother's kitchen table, steal internet, sip coffee, enjoy the sounds of the birds and wind chimes outside, and update you on the recent happenings in my life.

I promise I'll be back sooner rather than 3 months later with more news from my corner of the world!

Hot Knights

2009-03-08T19:59:00.008-04:00

What a weekend... For those of you that recall my announcement a month or so back, I landed a role in a murder mystery dinner theater production. Well the show was this weekend, and it was a smashing hit!! We had sell-out crowds both nights, and great audiences! They were so responsive and cracked up throughout the entire show, making for high energy for us to feed off of. I had so much fun playing the role of Pepper Devine, the soon to be Mrs. Prescott Knight, whom the entire family believes is only marrying the old geezer to get at the family moolah. (would I do something like that? seriously... ;) )

I made the small town news! Click here to read the article about the show and see rehearsal pics!

Hope my clients don't mind seeing me in hot rollers...I have a show tonight!

Voila! BIG HAIR!

all the girls...

Sassy the maid

Pepper Devine & Shiloh Devereaux

Vide did my hair both days...I like day 2's hair better :)

Gotta love the gargantuan rock!
Me and Yvette...the full get up!
Brick Tarmac & Magnolia DuKane
Sue Rae DuKane & Webster Cain DuKane
Juan, the one eyed gardener

Great Granddaddy Prescott Knight and his fiance, Miss Pepper Devine

Judge Drumm and I

the whole crew with writer/director Mike Druce

The Quickening

2009-02-02T17:43:00.008-05:00

Sounds like a horror movie....but no, its just the current status of my life. Enough time has past since I moved here and started my job that I have now started to add other things to my schedule and have become busier because of it. Hence the quickening.

I started a second job a few weeks ago. I'm an approved childcare provider for the State of Alaska, and am providing childcare for two school aged boys (9 & 7) five nights a week. It works out pretty great actually, cuz I basically get paid for sleeping. The boys are already asleep when I get there around 11pm and so I just crash and then get the boys up and ready for school in the morning. Their mom gets home around 8:30am, then I head straight to work from there. I'm gonna put the moolah from this job straight towards my loans, to help chisel them down as much as I can. It's been good so far- the boys are good boys, and I enjoy playing mom on occasion and getting my "kid fix." :) Plus the waterbed at the casa has felt good on my sore muscles. Here's the view I had as I was leaving their house yesterday and headed to church...BEAUTIFUL.

Speaking of sore muscles, I've taken up kickboxing and LOVE it. Plus I met with my new personal trainer today and am all pumped to get a new program underway. She laughed when I brought her in a copy of my ridiculous schedule, and I explained to her hey, I have to organize my life in order to survive it! :) I'm anticipating my body to go through some major changes over the next few months with the combined nutrition (Weight Watchers) and exercise (aerobic/strength training) piece. Plus having the Biggest Loser competition at work has proved to be an additional support. Secretly, my boss is showing me up tho...and I need to get my butt in gear!

This past weekend was the Peninsula Winter Games. Athletes from all over the Peninsula come together to compete in different events, carve awesome ice sculptures, enjoy food and kid-friendly activities, fireworks, etc. The Native Youth Olympics (NYO) took place this weekend as part of the Peninsula Winter Games. Saturday after work I headed over to KMS in time to partake in the Cultural Celebration/Feast. Our drum group drummed during the potlatch along with several other drum groups. Afterwards I stuck around to watch the last event of the day. These kids are amazing athletes. It's so cool to watch them in their different events- for them its not so much about competing against each other, but competing against themselves. Some start as young as they can walk and improve by leaps and bounds over the years. Here's a short video I took of the Two Foot High Kick. This was after the actual competition. They were doing a sudden death round and seeing how far they could go. Check out how how the ball is! They raise it every round by a couple inches... these kids are amazing!

Here's a link with descriptions of the different NYO events...
http://www.ankn.uaf.edu/curriculum/NativeGames/games.html

For those of you that watch the news, you may have heard that our very own Mount Redoubt is set to erupt at any time. Here's some pics from when it blew back in 1990. I remember being evacuated from school, wearing little face masks to protect us from the ash.

We've been getting prepared by purchasing masks and getting our house ready... If it blows, I'll be sure to post pics! :)

I continue to be heckled by a certain coworker due to my living at Papa Pilgrim's old place. Last week I noticed an addition to my nameplate on my door.... Oh Tim... :)

Before....and after

2009-01-25T23:35:00.006-05:00

Here you go! As I promised, the finished pics of the face lift on the living room/dining. Just for fun, here's a couple before shots I took shortly after we moved in....

And after... do you like?

Last Sunday, I went to support my brother and rock out at the Band Next Door (BND) concert. They did great! They're auditioning to open for Cutless when they come to Anchorage in May!

Caught God painting the other day...cool to watch him work in the canvas outside my office window...

Since the New Year...

2009-01-18T20:49:00.009-05:00

January 10, 2008
Last night, Yvette and I auditioned for this Murder Mystery Dinner theatre. Afterwards we picked up Martina and went to keep Yvette company while she worked the back bar at Hooligans. The band Static Cycle played that night, and I have to say I was impressed by the show. Great musicians. Check them out on Myspace...they are originally from Anchorage, but got signed and now are on tour. Glad to see they haven't forgotten where they came from, and so glad they came to play this weekend.

Yay- Michelle came out too! I heart my BFF!!

Thursday, January 15

Alaska's newsworthy run of subzero temperatures broke the other day, but I'm not sure I really prefer what we have now. Along with the 60 degree jump in temperature came freezing rain and slush and treacherous driving conditions. But at least our house is warm again. The old homestead house has its share of energy deficits, and both Sam and I spent a couple weeks sleeping under piles of blankets in layers of clothing. It's nice to be back to my regular pjs again...

Yesterday I scooted out of work a little early to get my haircut. There's something so great about going to a salon and pampering yourself- feeling beautiful and refreshed as you walk out the door. Do you like the new look?

Katie and I headed to The Crossing for a nice dinner out, and I bought my little sister her first martini! Crazy that she's 21 now... We enjoyed the leisurely dinner and savored the tastes, smells, the delicious ambiance of the room...as well as discussion about life, love, and other mysteries.

mmm....The K-Beach

Katie's prime rib...

stuffed chicken with cranberry spinach mousse, rosemary garlic potatoes and fresh asparagus.

The evening could have been perfect even if had ended as we left the restaurant, but we topped it off with some window shopping in the home decor section of the only department store still open in Soldotna (wait- it is the ONLY department store in Soldotna haha) and then picked up mom and headed back to the homestead to watch P.S. I Love You. I love that movie... and I love my house. The has freshly painted walls now, and a whole new look that I love.

Some pictures of the recent painting party... (finished product pics to come):

Aunt Kate made me curtains for my room! What a labor of love... and they're beautiful!

Saturday, January 16

Soooooo I recently auditioned for this Murder Mystery Dinner Theatre thing that the Kenai Performers is putting on at the end of March. We only read a portion of the script during auditions but it is called Hot Knights and is over the top hilarious. I got a part! It's a small all-adult cast- 6 men and 6 women. We're only gonna have a handful of practices between now and show time due to everyone's ridiculously conflicting schedules.... so it's gonna be down and dirty, but the cast is made up of seasoned actors and this director seems really cool and talented and flexible... he's looking at everyone's schedules and then will just pick nights that work for everyone. We have our first meeting next Thursday to read over the script in its entirety and discuss the direction of the show... so stay tuned for more news on this one. I need to start practicing my southern... :)

~~~~~~~~

Thursday night was a restless one for me....I haven't had an evening like that in a while. My roommate, young as she is offered her insight with the comment that maybe my sexy new haircut was contributing to my restlessness. I think she had something there... part of me wanted to go out- where, I don't know- but I just intensely desired to be seen and appreciated and enjoyed... Thank goodness the roads were treacherous that night...I think it was God's way of seeing that I stayed put in my casa and therefore, stayed out of trouble. Thank you Abba, for interfering and saving me from myself. A few days later I was emailing a new friend while at work and commented on how hard it is to meet quality men in this town. Her response hit home and normalized everything I'd been feeling a few nights prior. An excerpt:

"I know what you mean about quality men here. I have been lonely for some time now and it can get pretty dreary. Im pretty much done with the bars here but it can get hard to not be tempted in the middle of the night when you end up feeling just a little too lonely on the weekends (not just for boys but just for company- seems my friends just go out every weekend and I need to make some newer friends with other hobbies)."

How encouraging to be reminded I am not alone in this place of singleness. How good to hear someone else has simular desires and struggles with loneliness. I'm not insane, afterall! ...or at least not alone in my insanity! :) I hope to kindle this new friendship, but even if that does not happen, her words served a purpose that day. God works even through procrastinators' email exchanges... :)

Sunday, January 18

I joined Weight Watchers this week and will be starting at a new gym. I loved Elite and my personal trainer there, but since moving it has proved to be too great a commute. And with the PAC (Peninsula Athletic Club) only a couple miles down the road, it only makes sense to make the change. Last week at work we started our own Biggest Loser contest. We each put in 50 bucks and after 6 months whoever loses the greatest percentage of body weight takes it all! (There's over 400 in the pot now). How's that for a motivator? We even are doing weekly weigh ins every week at the job site. It's nice that we can all encourage each other...although I swear someone is still bringing in sweets since this thing kicked off and I think the plan is to sabotage us all. I will resist :)

This morning my Katie left to fly back to Indiana for another semester of school. I SO enjoyed spending time with her these last 4 weeks. So special...I love her. :)

2008-12-28T19:59:00.004-05:00

Last night Katie and I played Wii for the first time EVER. Sam's significant other is leaving his Wii at our house, so I'm planning on practicing in order to polish my skills. haha here's some priceless footage of the Thornton sisters racing on Wii's Mario Cart. I can only go up from here... lol

They're so intense looking!
Bowling time! Beautiful form if I do say so myself... :)

Christmas Day!

2008-12-25T16:37:00.004-05:00

So every year us kids are eager to wake up early so we can get a jump start on our Christmas morning. Well, all of us except Michael, who would sleep half way through the day if he had his way. This morning, after arriving at my parents house a bit before 7am, I volunteered to be the one to go wake him up. Little did I know that I was in for a surprise.....

2008-12-20T23:10:00.006-05:00

A friend mentioned to me the other day that he is not happy in the city he is living and is weighing whether or not to move. I can empathize with his instinct to move closer to where he had good friends and a support group. I’ve thought similar things, and am revisiting those thoughts even today as I reconnect with some friends here in Indiana. I’ve realized that the people and relationships I have here (in Indiana) make me feel at home, but yet Alaska in of itself makes me feel at home, if that makes sense. If only I could have both in one place….but as that is not yet a reality, I find myself longing for what my current surroundings lack. The whole grass is greener syndrome, I suppose, which I always claimed would never plague me, being the eternal positive optimist that I am. Forgive my redundancy…

I’m brought back to a letter my brother recently wrote me, an excerpt of which said “You know, Bethany, I don't know if the likes of you and I will ever reach "it". We are dreamers. There will always be another thing for us ahead. I am in Paris, the penultimate of all I've ever wanted in a place, and I still am not content. There's somewhere else. There's something else. There's someone else.” Maybe he’s right. Something in his words rings true, but yet, dreamer or no, I want to learn to be content no matter what my current situation. Or at least be motivated enough to push through the longings for somewhere/something/someone else to the practical work of focusing on fostering and improving the present. Easier said than done...

This I know- come Monday, I’ll be boarding another plane and heading back to Alaska. I have been reminded this weekend of everything in this place that makes me feel so alive, and it seems almost a tease to have to leave it behind so quickly. However, I can choose to take what I’ve learned about myself in this place and pack it with me as I go to the old/new place I now call “home”. I can put my energy into identifying people in Alaska that call out the same parts of my soul that I need to be alive. I can be purposeful in pursuing community, realizing and accepting it will look different than the intimacy I’ve experienced in other settings. And I can continue to foster the relationships I built in Indiana, and save money for additional reunion weekends...

BUT it is NOT yet Monday....so my present agenda remains the same as it has been since I stepped off the plane in Fort Wayne Wednesday night... to savor every moment I have in this place. And by golly, I will! :)

Some highlights so far...

* The Ice Storm of 2008

* Hosting a festive shindig for a few friends at 1313, complete with homemade sweaters, tasty Christmas tunes, decorating cupcakes, playing a previously unheardof boardgame, updates on everyone's lives and lots of hugs and laughter

* Going out on the town with my "Friday Friend", Mel :)

* 7 hour road trip with Laura to see Jodi get hitched!

more memories to come...........

Back in Dub Town...

2008-12-18T09:40:00.002-05:00

It’s 9:11 am in Indiana. Today is the first of five mornings I will be spending in Winona Lake. I’m back in town to celebrate Mike & Jodi’s wedding this coming Saturday in Columbus, but before and after that exciting event I will be looking to spend time with, as my roomie Hannah put it, people who love me. It’s easy to let the descriptor “roomie” slip out when mentioning Hannah, because that was the actual case for the 11 months before I moved to Alaska. While I’m here in town, I will be staying at our old casa, the beloved 1313. Hannah still resides here, but Jodi has moved out. Her room is dark, empty, and echoey…the last of which Brian commented on last night makes for a great jam room due to the acoustics. Brian is Hannah’s fiancé, so naturally he is spending quite a lot of time at 1313 these days. And then Laura Levon lives here as well- one of the later soul sisters to join the women’s prayer group in the days I was present. She has such a delightful spirit...and she was here last night to welcome me back in my former home and offer me princess style hot chocolate. Yay for traditions that do not die.

It is somewhat surreal sitting here at my former kitchen island eating what used to be my regular breakfast, looking around at the place I used to call home. Jodi’s presence is gone, as well as her stellar coffeemaker. I made a mess this morning with the sad little Emerson that has taken its place. My room is obviously not my own anymore. Laura has taken up residence and has chosen a fresh new palette of her own. I definitely experienced déjà vu while getting ready in my old bathroom this morning, flashbacks to beautifying myself in months past for significant people and places.

I smile at all the little things that have not changed…like the location of the silverware and coffee cups in the kitchen, the familiar placement of the kettle on the stove and the pepper and olive oil standing by on the counter. The general layout of the living area, the big blue couch that has miraculously sunken even lower, and familiar Christmas decorations that are strategically placed throughout the home to create that cozy, festive feel. I smiled when I saw several bottles of my vitamins and diet supplements in a mix of other supplements by the toaster- I must’ve forgotten to pack them in my hurry, I thought, as I tossed them in the trashcan.

Such a treat it is to have a laid back morning. This morning in of itself has made the plane ticket worth it. Relaxing hours that allow for not only proper digestion, but much needed reflection. I know not what today holds. I have to put my love of schedule aside this week and take each day as it comes. It’s hard to plan ahead with not knowing who wants to see me and what everyone’s schedule is. But I am not stressing. I look forward to all the little moments, and I will savor each one.

2008-12-08T15:54:00.005-05:00

Temperatures hit 35 last week and are lingering in the upper 20's/lower 30s. When I heard myself commenting along with everyone else on "how warm it's been lately" I knew...I have fully acclimated back to living in Alaska.

I finished my first annual Christmas letter and will be sending it out soon. I put a creative spin on the typical Christmas letter format. You'll see...

Last night was my first night in my new house. I finished house sitting yesterday and then Sam and I enjoyed our first night together as roomies, celebrating with pizza and a movie. I can't believe I hadn't seen The Gridiron Gang yet. It made me miss working for Lifeline...and made me think of some of the young men and women I had the pleasure of working with there over the years. I'm so glad the majority of my girls are keeping in touch.

This morning our home group had breakfast together at the Martin's ranch. It was fun to spend some time chatting over yummy whole wheat pancakes, sausage and eggs...all products of their farm, even down to the fresh milk. mooooo...

Cora opens her first Christmas present! :)

2008-12-01T03:29:00.005-05:00

Whew! The last couple weeks have been a blurr.......... hence the neglecting of my blog spot. :) But good news- I have completely moved and unpacked AND decorated my new casa. I love the cabin! I have yet to sleep there- I'm still housesitting for the Lockwoods until next Sunday. But I took advantage of my extra long weekend (yay for Holiday Time Off!!) to get all settled in there. I even took a first round of pictures to share with you. You can see them HERE:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2012420&l=27cec&id=151600127

I've been enjoying this last housesitting gig. The dogs are fun, although I'm currently not speaking to them. You see, tonight Mom sent me home two delicious homemade muffins. I was starving (okay SLIGHT exaggeration) after a long days work and good eating choices so I was super excited to have one of them as my evening treat. So I pop it in the microwave and leave it cooling for a sec on the counter while I rush to change into my pjs. I come back and notice a chewed, slightly soggy napkin on the floor. Thats weird, I think...there's child safety locks on the cabinets- how did the dogs get into the trash? Then I saw the counter. No muffin. I was dumbfounded and speechless. As I stood there with my jaw hanging, Lily made a beeline to her kennel and Hoover scampered out of the kitchen. Those little stinkers....

I did Karaoke this past week for the first time. So fun! My favorite tune of the night was definitely Hey Big Spender. I love the vampy feel-so great! It's hard to think of songs on the spot, though. Yvette and I started a list in her purse so we'll be prepared next time. :)

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was good- smaller than usual, but good. I've spent the last 6 Thanksgivings in Michigan with the other side of the family, so it was different but nice to be here again with the Alaska clan and Dad's side.

So much to be thankful for this holiday season...

-----
Quote of the week:
"I'm locking myself in the bathroom. Not cuz I have to pee, but because there is serious moose activity outside and the dogs are going bananas!" -Bethany to Karyn

2008-11-19T03:15:00.006-05:00

What a great home group! A loooong day but I feel refreshed and light hearted. I'm back home at my soon to not be home, boxes surrounding me in the living room of my little apartment. Beatrice came over yesterday and helped me with my packing. We had a good time talking and laughing together and it was so good to spend time with her, although we didn't get as much done as I had wanted. Oh well...I have Sunday and Monday.

I heard good news today! Good news in form of a cabin available for rent at an incredibly ridiculously steal-of-a-deal price. Even with such reasonable rates, I wouldn't be able to swing it, but a girl from church just happens to be needing a new place as of December first and if we split the cost...ding ding ding!!!! Insert Hallelujah chorus and falling confetti as I stand still and astonished and slightly skeptical that this could all be truly happening. But it seems legit. And I sense the Lord smiling. My cup runneth over.

When I came home tonight all the stars were out. I felt so close to you, Lord. I couldn't help but contrast this night and this feeling of being romanced by you to to the cold, dark, starless night a mere few days ago when I felt so alone. I felt you reminding me that even when I can't see them, the stars are always there. Even when I don't feel your presence and can't see what is around the bend, you are still there, still in control, and you still love me. Thank you for the reminder. You are so good. Bless this night, my sleep, my workout in a few hours...my clients tomorrow, my day and all the interactions it will hold. Thank you so much for the renewed confidence and enjoyment I've had lately at work, and the new clients who have been such a joy to meet and with whom I'm excited to start working with. Thank you for this home group. I thank you in advance for how you are going to work in and through us as we grow more and more into your image.

I love you,

Bethany

Psalm 8:3-4
3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,

4 what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?

the subtle ache within

2008-11-17T01:21:00.003-05:00

This morning instead of our regular church service, everyone split into different service teams to practically connect with our world. One team helped clean/organize the local food bank, a team passed out moose meat in different neighborhoods, a team assembled Thanksgiving bags, and a team helped prepare and set up lunch for all teams. My team went to install siding on homes in the RuralCAP housing development. I was excited about that team because a coworker of mine has been building her own home as part of that housing project. She's trying to convince me to do this program as well. Anywho, I was able to help her on her home today...we put insulation up in the ceiling. Martina outfitted me with gloves, a mask and glasses before we got started...good thing, cuz that insulation stuff is nasty!

...

I'm kinda quiet today. I'm trying to stretch out this evening. It will be my last night in my personally decorated, furnished, own space. Tomorrow I box up dishes, paintings, photographs, candles, movies, curtains, bedding...all the little things that have made this apartment my own...and transition into yet another chapter of my life.

Kinda ironic. I'm watching A lot Like Love on TV, and it just came to that scene near the end where he loses everything career-wise and moves back home with his parents. Well at least I have a career :)

I'm okay with it- really I am. I'm blessed to have this option. And house sitting jobs will provide nice breaks on occasion. I'm just in a slight funk today, and it can't be contributed to any one thing. May be partially that I'm grieving the close of this chapter of independence. A part of it may be that I feel bad for the sacrifices my family is making so that I can have a place to sleep. But if I were to really be still and allow myself to be honest, I think I can pinpoint the main funk source. I'm pondering a portion of a conversation I had with a couple from church last night. They were asking if I had met anyone special here...and that evolved into a discussion about how, although this is a great place to raise a family, it's a terribly hard place to meet people. That thought has stuck with me and it makes me a bit sad in my heart. The couple mentioned an amazing woman they know up here who is around 40 now and the wife said she's concerned this woman will never meet anyone and so she wants to encourage her to get out of Alaska. When I hear things like that, I think "Oh no, did I make the wrong move in making this move up here???" I can't help but fast-forward time and wonder if I'll be that woman. Is it horrible that I don't want to be? There's something very real inside of me that desires to be loved by a good man and be able to have the opportunity to make a relationship work and have a family. I know that there is more to life than those things, but I'd be lying if I said I did not desire them.

I talk to people up here I haven't seen in forever and they mention how successful I am and how I have met goals. Okay, yes, that may be true. I don't necessarily feel that way though- definitely not like I have "arrived". Maybe I just personally don't value material success and money and career as much as the average Joe... When they ask me my plans, I laugh and say I just wanna marry and have lots of babies- that this is all just a plan B. I don't think they understand or realize the truth in my statement.

They tell me there's someone out there and it'll happen when it's supposed to happen. I think statements like that are more meant to make people feel better than they are actually true. I mean, how can you know? I'm sure that amazing 40 year old woman was told that too...but she's still alone.

It is well...with my soul

2008-11-14T02:26:00.004-05:00

I'm in a good place, and today was uncharacteristically wonderful. Nothing extraordinary happened. I somehow managed to get a good night's sleep, yet still be ahead of schedule this morning. Just enough time to fill up on gas before getting to work with 2 minutes to spare. I can honestly say I was a woman of moderation today (I'm doing a study and learning about self-control and looking to God to fill my needs instead of food) and although I only had some liquids, I was content all day long. My time at work was extremely productive and latent feelings of incompetency were replaced with appropriate pride in myself. I ended up working through my lunch break and stayed 8 minutes late after work. Phone conversations went smoothly, my first treatment review was awesome, the new intervention I tried worked wonderfully and the resulting processing was better than I could have asked for or imagined. I felt good about what I accomplished and for spearheading some steps towards intervening for a child who cannot herself advocate for a change in her situation. I was invited to my grandparents for dinner, which was delightful. Not only did I enjoy the dinner, but I savored the conversation with two wonderful people who love me dearly. What a treat to commune with them as an adult and see how interested they are in my life, my line of work, my spiritual growth, my happiness. How I appreciate and value their wisdom, and I am glad there is still time to glean from them and learn from them. I recommit to myself to do so. As much as possible. I drive home content, and the 30 minute journey is enjoyable. The roads are curiously mild and my vehicle handles well. I am so conscious of His blessings and love and provision, and thank Him for recently reminding me of His promises. All in all, a good day. I needed this. Thank you, Abba.

highlights

2008-10-29T01:46:00.003-04:00

I've done it again...neglected my blog. When this happens, I am faced with a dilemma. do I fill you in on all the happenings of my life and risk overwhelming myself and my readers with way too long of a blog? Or do I merely give tasty tidbits of what has occured since we last chatted? Today, for the sake of time and me not wanting to upload a gazillion pictures, I am going for the latter.

Brita's Farewell: Brita left last week to embark on yet another global adventure. Her destinations this trip include several days in Minnesota then a few months experiencing India, by way of Italy where she has to stop at first to build a house for her mom. She'll come back to us for a brief visit in February, and then probably will head to LA. Such a free spirit, that girl. Sometimes I envy her lifestyle. I enjoyed spending time with her the last several weeks. If I were to pick some key words to summarize our last few days together, they would include: boxed wine,hottubbing, postsecret, model magic, vinyl, alaska dinners, billiards, and mexican cuisine. good times, good times. For visual commentary on the previously listed keywords, you can check out my facebook or myspace.

Double Dividend Qualifier: (The final drawing was this past Saturday. I did not win the cash, but experienced a different victory when I turned down the free food they had there for all us qualifiers. You see, I started a new eating program/bible study last week - Becoming a Woman of Moderation and it was my fasting day. I've been enjoying the study so far, because the focus is not on food- its designed to help promote a dependence and focus on God. I've learned a lot already in this first week, and have appreciated the journey towards becoming more disciplined. I want to be a woman of moderation in all areas except in my relationship with Christ.

Discovering I only have 1 month to live...independently.I've poured over my finances the last several weeks. I was actually under budget last month, which is exciting- its like it becomes a game to see how I can cut corners,save money, and come out in the black. I have been learning a lot from this Financial Peace course and would recommend it to anyone. However, after looking at my impending loan payments, I have realized that I can no longer afford a rent payment while paying my monthly minimum on my loans. So, this
means I am moving home at the end of November. Initially the prospect of moving back home caused an internal temper tantrum within me (no! NO! I won't go!!! You can't make me!), but I've come to accept this and am okay with it. I realize I am blessed to have family that are willing to have me move back in. There will be sacrifices, to be sure, but I will be able to save money and start putting a dent into my school debt. And when I consider the alternative...selling my body and sleeping in my car... mom's cozy house looks like an AMAZING choice. :) But hey, if any one you know of a single, Jesus-loving, Sugar Daddy...I'd jump at that too! ;)

Starry Skies: The last several days it has been clear and cold. When I come home in the evening, I am blown away by the beauty of the star filled sky. It brings verses like Isaiah 40:25-31 to mind and I am reminded of God's love for me and his promise to provide. I'm thankful for all these reminders of His goodness.

White Lion Concert

2008-10-19T20:06:00.006-04:00

Last night was a blast... I went with some of my awesome coworkers to see White Lion in concert at Hooligans. Yes, White Lion...remember them? Oh the eighties... :) They're back, rocking the world with their newest album The Return of the Pride. If you ever get a chance to catch a concert, I recommend it- they put on a great show. Good times were had by all. Yvette created her first signature drink based off her favorite coffee drink (Go to her bar and ask for a "Yvette" the next time you're at Hooligans...). We chilled with the band after the concert, hit up Sals for the traditional post-bar breakfast, and then headed back to Hooligans Lodge for the night. (Thanks Yvette for getting us a sweet deal on the room!) Here's just a sample of the countless pictures I took over the course of the evening (check out myspace for the rest).

ENTER VIDEO CLIPS HERE:::

yes, we're easily amused :)

2008-10-18T22:49:00.004-04:00

chilly and weary, insecure moments of doubt

2008-10-16T00:54:00.004-04:00

I'm so tired. It's nights like tonight that I guess I'm glad that I can come home and go through the rest of the evening without mustering energy for a smile in someone's direction or opening my mouth to speak a word to a fellow human being. But perhaps now that I think about it, were the situation different and I was to come home to someone who was happy to see me, that in itself would be such a comforting thing and something I would look forward to and be grateful for. But since the latter scenario is not my current reality, I will choose to be grateful for the solitude tonight.

my toes are cold. I resurrected this bright multicolored pair of fuzzy socks that I think were part of a college care package received years ago. I love these socks. Thanks, Mom.

Money stresses me out. I just came home from my weekly Financial Peace University class. Is it possible to feel at peace and feel nauseated simultaneously? Because as I sat in that class and pondered my impending school loans and my current inability to make those minimum payments, I felt like hurling onto my workbook.

Lord, I need direction on this one.

In the back of my mind I keep thinking "I could always move back home" but then Webbie's lyrics run through my mind and the independent woman in me recoils from that idea. I love my family, don't get me wrong. It would just be so different, and would feel like I'm going back in time. Plus, it's going to take me years to pay off these loans, and it just doesn't seem right for a driven head-on-her-shoulders woman with a Masters degree to live with her parents well into her thirties. Visit, yes, of course...often! But live with?

Lord, if this is really your will, please make it crystal clear. But I have to be honest, it would be hard for me. And I might ask you to take that cup away before I accept and drink from it.

But I want to be debt-free, I do.

I know I should look at my budget again and redo some numbers, but I think I just need to sit for a while, enjoy the candle I lit and maybe some tea, this "Cure for the Winter Blues" mix I temporarily stole and copied from Hannah's collection before I left, and just breathe.

My feet are warmer now. I'm thankful for this little blessing, and smile at the thought that the Creator of the Universe cares for the temperature of my little toes. How much more will he provide for my other needs if I continue to trust and obey? :)

blessed day of rest

2008-10-12T20:40:00.003-04:00

i love Sunday afternoons.

Even though I thought I'd be doing my Super Nanny thing starting today, I found myself abundantly grateful for how this day unraveled. Thank you, Abba. You always know best.

There's something about hand washing dishes that is so relaxing to me. With snow falling softly outside, candles lit, Shawn McDonald's voice singing from the living room, the way the hot water feels on my hands...plus that feeling of accomplishment and renewal that comes with my weekly housekeeping, I can turn a dreaded chore into a form of self-care.

Did I mention it's snowing? I still can't believe it...

P.S. I realized the other day I can stay home alone all day and be perfectly content. Perhaps this gal isn't as much of an extrovert as we once thought... :)

Recall :(

2008-10-11T01:18:00.002-04:00

Have you ever gotten the perfect gift only to have it taken away?

Yeah. Such was my disappointment yesterday when my perfect 2nd job (live-in nanny 2 weeks on/2 weeks off) fell through last minute. The family and I did everything we needed to do- filled out all the paperwork, got my background checks, met with the Childcare Assistance rep to figure out rates and percentages the tribe would pay and the parent would pay, he gave me a house key, I met the kiddos...only to find out 2 DAYS before he has to leave for the slope that I can't be the childcare provider because I'm already an employee of the tribe and labor laws apply (would be ridiculous amounts of overtime).

needless to say, I was totally bummed. and I feel so bad for this single dad who is just trying to do the right thing, and none of this was his fault. or mine.

I have to keep trusting that this is happening for a reason.

It's just hard, cuz I have been taking steps of obedience in doing this financial class and making sacrifices and being a good steward and praying about how I'm going to make these debt payments, and it seemed this was the answer. Everything fell into place, only to be taken away.

Sigh.

He wants me to remember He is in Control and He is my Provider and He is able to do immeasurably more than anything I could ask or imagine. He will provide.

I'll try my best to trust in the meantime...and keep my eyes open for other opportunities for extra income.

exciting news

2008-10-09T03:42:00.002-04:00

I was hesitant to mention this until I knew for sure, but its official now. I have a second job. This opportunity presented itself about a week ago, and just as I was praying about how I was going to make my school loan payments. God continues to provide for me!

Can anyone guess what this side job is going to be? Here's a little clue... :)

bust out the sweaters...it's that time of year!

2008-10-06T23:42:00.004-04:00

The boiler at work picked a cold week to go on strike. With temps dipping down into the 30's, it sure made for chilly days in the office. Thankfully someone gave me a tip about this space heater in the storage room. That combined with cocoa, scarves, and blankets did the trick!

I bought a hardcore windshield scrapper/brush thing for my vehicle. It was a little overdue, cuz my windows have been frosting for a few nights now...and this morning the temperature reading in my rig alternated between "33" degrees and "ice." And then today...the first dusting of snow.

I still catch my breath sometimes at the beauty outside. The other day I came home after a long day and there was something about the crisp autumn air that caused me to pause on the sidewalk and head around to the backyard. I'm glad I did, because this awaited me...

2008-10-06T01:27:00.002-04:00

Jodi,

I just gotta say, your Be Still mix is still my favorite way to decompress at the end of a long day.

Thank you...and please hug the other Warsawian women I so dearly miss.

Bethany

2008-10-06T00:45:00.002-04:00

I feel like an old lady, I'm getting exhausted so early in the evening these days... Last night I was invited to join the Adam's Family for games and couldn't stop yawning during Phase 10. I left their house before 9pm I'm sure, but was too tired to make the drive back north, so I ended up crashing at my parent's house (conveniently located just down the street). Yay for mom's keeping spare toothbrushes on hand.

Taught the Pre-K Sunday School class this morning. Boy did that bring back memories...same classroom, same Group curriculum, same Sonshine Park the kids love to play in, yet a whole new bunch of kids. It is strange not knowing the kids names anymore- I used to know everyone, and everyone knew me. But a lot has changed over the years.

I spent the entire afternoon and evening working on my finances- not so fun. I think I sat at my parent's dining room table for at least 5 hours, maybe 6. By the time I left, my brain was fried, but I had completed my first real budget, complete with cash flow plan, allocated spending plan, and an organized new envelope system. Money has been a big stressor for me over the years, but hopefully financial freedom is just around the river bend. (yay Disney reference) Although taking a close look at everything today combined with the looming reality of school loan payments was somewhat depressing, scary, and frustrating, I feel more in control over the situation than I did before. If you spend your money on paper first, You can have control of your money instead of it controlling you.

So now I'm home, and too exhausted to type much longer. I have my incense burning, one lamp on, horrid florescent lights OFF, a cup of water in the microwave and a tea bag waiting... Time to curl up with a blanket and catch up with the women on Wisteria Lane. Then spend some quality time with my glorious queen sleigh bed upstairs. With the money I spent shipping that beloved possession across the country, I better get good use out of it! ;)

Good night.

Bethany v. Bosu

2008-09-30T02:57:00.003-04:00

This Bosu ball definitely tried to have its way with me this morning. I tried a new class at the gym this morning. Here's the description: "Chisel- Like the name says= a great way to help chisel those hidden muscles! We use a variety of equipment & exercises to help your muscles get a great workout!" Well, as I definitely have "muscles" still hidden under layers of yet-to-be-shed body fat, I thought this would be a fun class to try. I loved using lots of different equipment- medicine balls, regular balls, bar bells, hand weights, step, and the Bosu Ball. I had never used a Bosu ball before, and underestimated it's cantankerous nature. During our cardio section at the onset of our class, Ashley had us doing different stepping and jumping things with this ball and I don't know what happened...but I catapulted through the air and landed on the floor. crack went the ankle, BAM went Bethany. But you know what they say... when the horse bucks you off, get right back on. So I did. Take THAT, Bosu!!

... multiple hours later...

Turns out the Bosu won. I went on to finish the Chisel class and in classic Bethany fashion minimized the itsy bitsy pain I did feel. Went on with my errand filled day and accomplished much including: laundry, dishes, some financial stuff, a bank run, visited my friend Travis at the school he was substitute teaching at, and scrap-booked 4 more pages of my extremely belated Ireland scrapbook project (that particular trip was in March 2005). Brita then called me up with a hankering to socialize, and I suggested Frolf. So I met a bunch of peeps down at the golf course and we had a blast. I failed to think about, however, the effect that being on my feet all day and then walking on uneven forest terrain for a couple hours would have on my previously wrenched ankle. The effect is an even more ouchy, increasingly swollen ankle. Damn that Bosu.

Brita's first toss was a doozy...she had to climb over the wall to go into the ball field and fetch it!

some of the crew...
Sam merry preparing to toss. He's a champion and came up with some creative little tips that helped me lots...
Brita, Shakina, & baby Darius
Headed towards the next tee...

Sam wouldn't stop making fun of me for taking a picture of this stump. I thought it was pretty...
Darius

Michael, now that's a new look. Digging the moss mustache...looks real!
the boys chatting it up between holes...
the aftermath.
R.I.C.E.

this cracks me up...

2008-09-29T00:33:00.002-04:00

A Nonpartisan Message From Sarah Palin & Hillary Clinton.

P.S.

2008-09-26T19:18:00.003-04:00

I forgot to mention the most important thing!!! I bought my tickets to come visit over Christmas! It'll be a long day of flying (Kenai-Anchorage-Seattle-Chicago-FortWayne) but I should be in Warsaw Wednesday night, Dec 17. I fly out of Fort Wayne again on Monday night Dec 22. I'd love to see lots of you while I'm in town!

Jodi, I can't wait till the wedding and am soo glad I can share the special day with you!

less than 3 months now....

Frolfing with the stars!

2008-09-26T13:50:00.015-04:00

Sorry it's been a while since my last update. I've been house sitting this last week for three hyperactive dogs, and the wireless at their house is sketchy at best. I captured a rare moment on film for you all...the crazy canines not only resting, but snoring.

I went to Skyview's Homecoming Bonfire to see Michael's band play. He and two of his friends long ago started "The Band Next Door" and its been fun to go to their concerts since I've been home. He is so musically talented and has so much fun playing and singing with his friends. It was amusing to observe high school life at its finest...boy do I feel old! :)

Speaking of Michael, he got his Senior Pics taken recently. What a good looking kid!

I'm still enjoying drumming with the Heartbeat of Mother Earth drum group. We were asked to come last Saturday to the annual Recovery Rendezvous at the Challenger Learning Center of Alaska in Kenai. This is an annual event put on by Serenity House- a local residential drug/alcohol treatment program. It was a great time- so many family friendly activities and booths, games, free food, and wonderful music. The day closed with a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders Awareness Ceremony. We drummed after the traditional ringing of the bells (9 tones for 9 months of pregnancy) as part of this closing ceremony, and closed with the Healing Song in dedication to those affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. Many people came and stood around us for that song, and it was pretty powerful and moving. One woman behind me placed her hand on my shoulder when Vicki closed in prayer and told me afterwards that I had a very strong "positive energy." That was neat to hear.

I was introduced to the delightful game of Frolf earlier this week. Ever heard of it? Neither had I. Brita and I were spending the day with Jenna and her hubby Derek. After biking around town we stopped by the house so Jenna could record Dancing With the Stars. Brita can only sit still for so long, so they suggested we go play Frolf. I was intriqued...and totally game! Turns out Frolf is a combination of frisbee and golf. The rules of disc golf are similar to those of traditional, or "ball" golf. Most courses contain either 18 or nine "holes," and the idea is to reach the hole in as few strokes as possible; only in disc golf the player throws a disc into an elevated metal basket instead of hitting a ball into a hole. THere's a 18 hole disc golf course in Kenai- How did I not know about this all these years?!We played partners which was a blast, although my skills were a bit rough at best. :) Derek and Jenna were amazing tho, and gave us some great tips, so I told Brita we were Frolfing with the stars! We need to start earlier next time cuz we are losing daylight in Alaska. Either that or get glow-in-the-dark paint for our discs....

2008-09-15T03:51:00.007-04:00

So today I ran out of gas on the way to church. I was already running a little late so I ignored the Holy Spirit's prompting to fill up as I passed through Kenai. As I cruised down K-Beach road I decided maybe I should stop somewhere before church, just to be on the safe side. And just as Vaughan's gas station was in sight... I felt the oninous shifting of my car draining its last fumes and I barely had enough juice to get in the turning lane before dying all together. awesome. good thing I didn't wear heels today- I walked over to the gas station and got one of those little 2 gallon gas can things. I made two trips and my car still wouldn't start. As I was standing there in the turning lane contemplating my next move, two men ran up and offered their pushing services. hurray! As soon as they positioned themselves behind my rig and placed their hands upon its dirty surface, I was able to start the car. It still was nice though that they came to my rescue. yay for good Samaritans! And I was only 48 minutes late for church! :)

So I've amped up my workout routine. I'm still meeting with my personal trainer Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings, but I've started attending a Strong Women strength training class with some coworkers over our lunch hour on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Plus I've added a Hot Yoga class one night a week, which I am really enjoying! They heat up the room like a sauna, and its our instructor has it candle lit and its so relaxing. Really challenging, yes, but relaxing too. I've always been very flexible, but my balance can use some fine tuning... :)

On my way home this afternoon from church I noticed a few cars were pulled over on the side of the ride. I knew there had to be something cool out on the flats, and sure enough... I spied this caribou family. I had to pull over and take some pictures to share with you...

Work is still going well. The other day I had an angry little client throw sand at my face, hit me and attempt to bite my leg. Fun times, fun times... after days like that I can use some quality time with my cute and non-abusive little Cora. She keeps on getting cuter and cuter... Here we are playing checkers in my office :)

That's all I got.

weekend highlights...football, bachelorettes, and prison

2008-09-06T20:30:00.007-04:00

Took in another great football game on Friday. we played Kenai and the game should have been ours, but penalties killed us... nevertheless, a great game to watch and Michael played so well!

Martina, one of my newfound friends and coworker, came to the game too- it was fun having her there, although she insistently cheered for the wrong team and had to be reprimanded often :)
Jessica called me up to go out with her Friday. Unbeknownst to us, it was theme night at Hooligans- every woman's was a bachelorette, and seeing how we were early jess and i totally got the hook up when we came in...

Building 10 at Wildwood... where I would spend my Saturday with convicted felons. :)

No I wasn't arrested... On Saturday, the Heartbeat drum group I'm a part of was invited to come be a part of their annual potlach festivities. We were treated like royalty. It is a huge privilege for these men, and they considered it an honor that we chose to spend the day with them. It was humbling and so fun to take turns drumming with their drum group, learn different songs, talk with the men, and share in this amazing feast of Native foods... i'm already looking forward to next year.

You gotta love these welcoming signs...I couldn't help myself, I had to quickly sneak a picture from my car before I left the campus.

Labor Day Weekend

2008-09-03T01:14:00.009-04:00

On Friday night, I went to cheer on Michael at his football game. Skyview was playing Eagle River. Michael's # 7... the rest of the game was too riveting and I forgot to take more pictures!

On Saturday morning I came over to 35800 for lunch(35800 is my parent's house...it is too confusing referring to both my apartment and their house as "home"). It was a beautiful day so we headed outside to take pictures before Katie and I left for Anchorage. Everyone is sad to see her leave for school...

It was a beautiful day for our drive to Anchorage...

After shopping in Anchorage a bit and enjoying a tasty dinner at TGIF, I dropped Katie off at the airport and headed to Michelle's apartment. I spent the rest of the weekend with her- it was so relaxing sleeping her at her casa, watching tv shows on dvd and playing with the kitties. On Sunday we went to the mall and got manicures and pedicures.

While Michelle was working one night, I went to the Alaska Native Medical Hospital to visit my friend Beatrice and her baby Cora who was hospitalized this weekend. It was good to see Cora acting her old self, and to play with her for a while. Isn't she adorable?? :)

On Monday, Michelle and I headed up to Palmer for the Alaska State Fair. It's an annual tradition for Michelle, but I haven't been in years because of school. We had a lot of fun looking at all the booths, analyzing "Steve the Pretty Good"'s magic show, and checking out the petting zoo. But our highlight hands down was the Lumberjack Show!! :)

What an amazing weekend...so fun and relaxing...just what the doctor ordered! Now, why can't EVERY weekend be a 3 day weekend? :) Nope, real life is calling... and I have to wake up first thing to go to the gym. My trainer says I have to make up for missing Monday...haha. Good thing they have a delicious drive thru coffee stand right in front... I'll definitely be hitting that up before work! :)

PRAISE GOD from whom all blessings flow...

2008-08-21T22:21:00.003-04:00

THese last several weeks have been stressful financially. I knew that moving across country and getting settled would be expensive, but I did not anticipate when thinking of starting my career here just how long it would take to get my feet under me financially. Bills bills bills...anxiety frustration anxiety as payday seems to never approach fast enough. insufficient bank fee after insufficient bank fee leads to starting new pay periods already on the wrong foot. ugh.

BUT...ENCOURAGEMENT CAME. First yesterday, when I realized I AM eligible for this year's Permanent Fund Dividend check (I didn't recieve it last year due to ridiculousness). And then today this email arrived...an article from the Anchorage Daily News that not only announced this years check will be MUCH larger than usual, but that it will be coming much SOONER than usual. If that news wasn't blessing enough, I also heard that a Dave Ramsey class from the Financial Peace University (http://www.daveramsey.com/fpu/home/ )is going to be in my area- a 2 hr/week, 13 week class starting next month. Folks, I'm signing up for this one!

THANK YOU LORD!!!

***Caution: Side effects of reading the following article include mindboggling recognition about how much money your family would collect annually if you lived in Alaska, and a subsequent intense longing to relocate.

------------

PFD direct deposits set for Sept. 12

Anchorage Daily News

Published: August 20th, 2008 04:37 PM
Last Modified: August 20th, 2008 04:38 PM

Most Alaskans will receive their Permanent Fund dividends on Sept. 12, the state said this afternoon.

That's about three weeks earlier than was initially announced.

This year's payment of about $2,100 - the exact amount hasn't been announced yet - will be supplemented by a $1,200 "resource rebate," for a total payment of about $3,300 per Alaskan.

The annual dividend payment comes from investment profits of the $36 billion Alaska Permanent Fund, a state oil-wealth savings account.

The Legislature approved the extra $1,200 payment this month to help Alaskans cope with high energy costs.

The Sept. 12 payments will go to all 500,000 or so Alaskans who asked for their dividend to be direct-deposited into their bank account, said Bill McAllister, spokesman for Gov. Sarah Palin. The previous plan was to pay some of them on Oct. 2 and the rest on Oct. 16.

Checks will be mailed to those who asked for payment that way during the week of Sept. 30, McAllister said.

Applicants who asked for a direct-deposited payment but who have changed accounts or banks have until the end of business Aug. 29 to submit a form to the state Permanent Fund Dividend Division requesting a change. The form is available online at www.pfd.alaska.gov.

dinner with the fam...

2008-08-18T23:03:00.004-04:00

Jon & Diana recently got back from Juneau and invited some of the family over on Thursday night for an AMAZING dinner. Australian lamb, stuffed peppers, and fresh corn. Oh, and homemade strawberry rhubarb pie with icecream for dessert. Heavenly. SO much more enjoyable than the food though was spending time with my family. Plus we had a bonus- My cousin Brad, his wife Ana and their little girl Alexis are in town for a couple weeks from Florida, so we were able to catch up with them too!

Visiting the Animal Shelter

2008-08-18T22:37:00.003-04:00

This Monday, Janine suggested we do something a little different today for our walk. So we went to visit the animal shelter (she's a regular there- they know her by name) and walked some of the dogs. So fun!!!

2008-08-18T01:52:00.002-04:00

SO I'm really hoping American Teen comes to the Kenai Peninsula. Not because it is going to be such an amazing movie (I seriously doubt that) but because it was filmed in the quaint midwest town I spent the last 6 years living... I want to see it not only to chuckle at the staged protrayal of highschool drama, but to smile with nostalgia at scenes in all too familiar settings like Courthouse Coffee or on the lakes or cruising down back country roads.... simple places and experiences I miss.

So...American Teen, come to our little Orca Theatre or Kambe Theatre and make me happy!

P.S. Pandora makes 8 hr work days with lots of paperwork so much more enjoyable!

P.P.S. Kite Runner is an amazing movie. watch it.

Silver Fishing & Homer Trip!

2008-08-14T00:09:00.007-04:00

My day off on Monday was awesome! It started a bit early tho... 4:14am to be exact. One of the guides that work at the Lodge my sister works at had a couple empty spots in his boat so Katie was invited to come on a fishing trip with a friend. Guess who she picked....ME! YAY!!!!

We met Ryan the guide and his two clients from New Mexico in Soldotna at 5 am and drove out to Kasilof River. We spent the next 5 hours on the River and had such a great time. It was beautiful and so peaceful and relaxing. The sun came out later in the morning and I even dozed off at one point and had to be punched by Katie a couple times :) We all got our limit (2 Silver Salmon allotted per person/per day). And good sized fish too! Ryan was hilarious and Beau and Felix were fun guys to spend the morning with too.

We got back to our casa and cleaned the fish (and ourselves!).

Then Mom, Katie and I headed to Homer!!! Homer is a quaint little drinking town with a fishing problem. (old local joke, sorry) It's seriously one of my favorite places to visit. Its such an artsy area and very Alaskan :) Plus you can get great fresh seafood! Especially halibut :) We had fun walking up and down the Homer Spit (appropriately named cuz its a tiny little stretch of land that looks like it was spit out into the water). We spent the most amount of time (and money in my case...oops!) in this little shop called Carolines towards the end of the spit. It's one of my favorite little shops- beautiful handmade jewelry, bags, clothing...you name it. I bought a couple new rings and a cute new purse.

What a great day! I was exhausted, but the day was full to the brim with goodness :)

encouragement at the gym

2008-08-13T23:51:00.004-04:00

So I was gathering my stuff and heading out of the gym the other day and a woman who works the front desk in the mornings stopped me. She told me something like this:

"Ya know, I watch a lot of the people who train and you work harder than most. A lot of people just go through the motions, but not you. You push yourself and really work hard and you are going to see results soon because of it."

My trainer chimed in, agreeing, and said that she really enjoys working with me.

I thanked them and left the gym feeling so... encouraged. :)

----Body Update---
I am getting so much stronger. Can I just say I finished running the other day and felt so good- I think I actually....get this....enjoyed it. RUNNING! yes, who would have thought, I know...
You wouldn't believe how much I'm paying this woman to torture me :) But it's sooo worth it- she squeezes so much into an hour session and is always switching things up to keep my body guessing.

typical workout (M-W-F)
30 minutes cardio (intervals on treadmill, stairclimber, and/or eliptical)
20-25 minutes weights (alternating upper and lower body)
10 minutes ab work
stretching

Random Tidbits, Heartbeat Drum, and Talking Circles

2008-08-09T02:52:00.006-04:00

My coworker ran into NBA player Carl Malone at Fred Meyers last night. She had also seen him in Homer (or was it Seward?) earlier in the week and he had gone out that night with a couple of her friends. Malone loves hunting and fishing and has had a vacation cabin for years up here in Alaska.

My friend Michelle texted me from up in Denali where she is working this summer. The text message was to inform me it was snowing up there. In August?? Mt. McKinley creates its own weather, though, so I'm not worrying. I'm still holding out for more sun, perhaps an Indian Summer??? Wouldn't that be glorious.... :)

A few weeks ago I joined a drum group at Nakenu. Drumming is a big part of the Native American culture, and I wanted to experience it first hand. Every Tuesday evening there is a Heartbeat Sobriety Drum practice. This drum was made by an elder in the Kenaitze tribe with the purpose of being a sobriety drum. It was so neat to be able to participate with the other women who showed up last Tuesday. To start off, our leader passed a pouch of tobacco that we each took from and sprinkled on the drum. Different people put it on the drum in different ways, symbolizing different things to them. One of the women opened in prayer and then we did a opening song and continued drumming, taking requests that next hour. I come from a very musical background and have good rhythm, so I was able to catch on quickly. I drummed along with the group and joined in singing in the Native tongue after the first verse or so. There are different rules to the drumming, signs that the leader uses to signal whether to speed up or if the song is ending, signals to indicate he or she is about to drum a different rhythm and not to follow him or her, a hand gesture to open it up to the group for solos, a finger laid on the drum meant you were accepting the next solo.,, We closed with a specific closing song and in prayer and were done.

Today I participated in my first "talking circle." This is a traditional method of communication among Native Americans, and very therapeutic. Our staff at Nakenu schedules a "talking circle" once a month for two hours. Everyone sits in a circle and there is a opening and closing of some sort- today we read a daily elder meditation, and then passed the talking feather around and whoever was holding it had the floor and could share what was on their mind. The topic of today's talking circle was "Purpose." I shared my overall purpose of being called to love God and love people. And I shared how more specifically about how I feel during this chapter I'm being called to slow down, to be okay with being still, to be purposeful about spending quiet time with my Savior, and to not get caught up in my idol of busyness. I also shared how I feel called to explore what self-care looks like for me and to implement it in my life, so I am then better equipped to better serve others. For those of you who are interested, here is some more background on "talking circles." Our Tribal Court program implements them with youth and the tribe has also started doing talking circles in the Head Start program so kids become used to the format, practice listening and expressing their thoughts/feelings appropriately. Such vital skills to learn so young! I am so thankful for a workplace where coworkers (for the most part) are authentic and supportive and we have opportunities to be vulnerable in a group format. What an honor...especially to have the freedom to talk about my relationship with Christ!

THE ART OF COMMUNICATION

Communication in Native American culture is quite different than the "usual" American competitive-style communication. Their style values cooperation over competition, which reflects in many areas of their lifestyles. When many Native Americans engage in conversation they listen intently, usually looking down and not establishing eye contact, until the person speaking is completely finished talking. Then the other person talks and fully expects to be able to completely finish their thought without interruption or before the conversation turns to another person.

WHAT IS LEFT UNSAID?

In some Native American cultures there is a ritual called, "what is left unsaid" and it is practiced in various ways. In one instance, the group gathers in a circle and uses what is called a "talking feather." Whoever has the feather is the one that states what has been on their mind but hasn't been said. When they are finished talking, the feather is handed to the next person in a clockwise direction and the next person says what they have left unsaid. This is called a "Talking Circle."

RULES OF THE TALKING CIRCLE

The person holding the "talking feather" or some other Native American object is the only who has the right to talk. Even if it takes several minutes to think about what they wish to say or if there is a pause in the conversation. Whoever has the "talking feather" has the floor.

If someone in the circle wishes to express a view or comment on what is being said, it is limited to noises that can be made through the nose. This would be a faint grunt of agreement. Any comments, especially negative comments while someone is speaking are absolutely not allowed. In fact, they are banned. Each person MUST wait his or her turn.

When the "talking feather" comes to you, you may talk about "whatever is in your heart or on your mind." There may be an overall topic that the Talking Circle is discussing but you are in no way limited to discussing or commenting on anything anyone has said. A talking circle is not limited in topic content. You are free to say whatever you desire, without limitation or fear. Talking circles are safe environments and you should feel comfortable knowing that no one will interrupt or criticize you.

If someone talks longer than what seems customary (this is called "overlong") then those in the circle may quietly cough as a signal. The term "overlong" is usually defined according to the size of the circle, topic, and how long the group intends on spending in the circle. This may be discussed before the circle begins. Typically, 3 -10 minutes is a sufficient amount of time to talk. If you have the "talking feather" and notice that others are quietly coughing, it's time to pass the feather to the next person.

Using an alarm or timer is inappropriate for a Talking Circle because it would disrupt the flow of communication and energy. It would also create an unnatural presence to the circle.

The circle can go around several times or until everybody has had at least one opportunity to talk. If the group is large, time constraints may be placed beforehand, although remembering that interruptions are not allowed. The "talking feather" can be passed around once again to give everyone the feeling that they have left nothing unsaid.

COMMIT TO THE CIRCLE

When committing to a talking circle, remember the rules and watch the healing begin. It is purgative, relaxing and cleansing. The affect of sharpened listening and learning from others is truly a blessing. You will also become more adept at thinking while on your feet because your communication skills will be more exercised.

Talking circles are amazing. Go ahead and try this practice even between you and a friend.

my day off!

2008-07-28T20:21:00.009-04:00

The rain has ceased!!!! Seriously, its been so drizzly and gross lately. Today I was so happy to wake up and see sunlight peeking into my bedroom. Praise the Lord! I met Ashley my personal trainer at the gym and she worked me HARD, let me tell you what. Yikes, at least I know I'm getting my money's worth. Its a love-hate relationship we have...lol.

Katie met me in Soldotna to pick out some frames for my next step in my house beautification project (stay tuned for pictures). We enjoyed the tasty salad bar at Froso's for lunch and then I got an invite from Janine to join her on a walk.

Janine is my cousin Lance's wife. What a sweetheart- I'm excited to get to know her better now that I'm living in the area. We took the dogs on a walk around Kenai- we originally were going to walk the beach, but the dogs were a bit distracted by all the dip-netters so we took to the highway.

Janine & Sherman

I walk Lil' Anne

I love walking through cemeteries...

a noteworthy item:
my neighbors (two houses over) are pirates. no, seriously. i was warned by the previous renter that many men occasionally would come over and line up on their back yard with various guns, revolutionary muskets and cannons (yes, actual cannons) and shoot/fire them over the bluff. I have yet to be home to witness one of these "gatherings", but today as I pulled into my driveway, I noticed this flying for the first time...

this could prove to be an interesting neighborhood.... :)

the epitome of being Alaskan

2008-07-22T02:01:00.009-04:00

dipnetting.

I know I had a post about this a few days ago, but I went out again today and took more pictures that will hopefully capture more of what this whole dipnetting phenomenon is all about. it seriously is a whole culture of its own and an interesting look at all different types of alaska residents that come out of the woodwork and join together on a handful of beaches on the peninsula every July to catch fish for their families. Only Alaskan residents are allowed dipnetting priviledges and can only harvest a certain amount of salmon (per member of their household). This year I am my own household so I can get 25 or 27 fish I think. My mom can get tons more though cuz she has a household of 5 (can't include me anymore)

We didn't catch much today. I finally left around 9 cuz I was freezing but Mom and Uncle Jim and Joel stayed and braved the brisk wind, rough waves and strong current. I hope they catch some to make it all worth it! I had fun even though I didn't get anything this time. Enjoy the pictures! :)

OH but hold up. BEFORE the slideshow, a word on fashion. Well, fashion may not be the appropriate word, but dipnetters most assuredly have a certain "look". It is not for beauty sake that we dress, and our outfits are more definitely NOT flattering. We dress for warmth. and to stay dry. and to cut the wind. :) Its a funny site. And everyone understands so although you might think it odd to see us wearing what we do in public, we don't bat a eye as we enter the grocery store or a 24-hr restaurant with our fishing gear on. It's what we do. It's our lifestyle. We don't have time to go home and change for the sake of fashion. We have our own style. SOOOO without further ado, the Thornton sisters display the multiple layers of a dipnetter...

the sexy long underwear. mine is definitely the real deal (check out the pee hole lol). Katie is just rocking some leggings (SOOO not authentic Alaskan wear)

Follow up with some sweatpants

sweatshirt, cap to pull back the hair (and avoid seagull crap) and thick wool socks - pulled over your sweats (sexy, I know! but we're not nearly done yet!)

Once on site at the beach, it's time to don some chest waders!

And finally, a good rain jacket to cut the wind and keep water from spilling in those chest waders

Ooo and after all that hard work dressing, make SURE you have your fishing license and dip netting permit! (AND a king salmon tag if you wanna keep any king you catch). I suggest placing it in a sandwich size ziploc and placing it in your rain jacket. You never know when the police or Fish-n-Game might ask you for it!

Well now that we're properly outfitted, let's head to the beach! Enjoy the videos and slideshow!

Taking care of His temple

2008-07-21T19:10:00.005-04:00

So I joined a gym this past week. I decided to work with a personal trainer and met with her for the first time this morning. I'm excited to incorporate this into my daily routine and really start becoming healthier. I'll post pics of my progress and keep you guys updated :)

coffeeshops and open mic...

2008-07-21T17:57:00.007-04:00

one of the things I love about the Kenai Peninsula is an abundance of coffee shops and live music. Last week on one night in particular I grabbed a friend who was in town and we made the circuit... first to the Youth Center for my brother Michael's band's first concert, then Kaladi Brothers to listen to Melissa, and lastly to Mugz to hear Katie accompany Kelsey (video clip of pretty harmonizing below...)

mmm organic parfait and mocha

The Funky Monkey has a modern feel

The Band Next Door's first concert

That's my brother!

Seeing Melissa (right) at Kaladi's

So fun to have her in town!

Kaladi's eccentric ceiling

Hey, we were just there!

Erin and Sammi show up for the fun!

Katie and Kelsey blend so well

That's my girl!

Coffee shops are the best place to hang out!

Jacob and Justin are mocking us

Erin

dipnetting adventures

2008-07-21T17:31:00.002-04:00

This is the epitome of being an Alaskan, right here! :)

my new casa!!!

2008-07-06T19:18:00.002-04:00

here's the video tour.... this was right after moving in last Tuesday. It's gotten a little cuter since then... :)

downstairs:

upstairs:

Hot Tubing, Unwanted Advances and Babies

2008-07-04T01:36:00.008-04:00

I'm officially moved in. I really like my new apartment! I took video footage of the new place but haven't had internet for long enough time slots to fully upload. But stay tuned...I'll post them sometime. I have been penny-pinching so paying umpteen some dollars for wireless hookup and a land line has suddenly moved WAY down on my priority list. :) I don't mind tho- I recently discovered a SWEET new family owned coffeehouse conveniently located on my way to/from my house and work. They serve AMAZING coffee and great food too- all organic stuff. mmm mmm good. And did I mention free highspeed wireless? Helloooo match made in heaven. I'm only slightly embarrassed to admit I've been there 4 times within the last couple days. They don't know me by name, but they know my drink order! :)

So I took off work Tuesday to unpack and get settled in the new casa. I was wiped by the end of the day and was just getting ready to go to bed when I heard a knock on my door. It was my old friend Justin (who is in town for the summer and staying next door), Jacob and a couple other peeps from the college age group that has recently been born. Their invitation, should i choose to accept it, was to join them in climbing down the steep bluff, run into the frigid water and climb back up the bluff and into the awaiting hot tub. I opted out of the first part but took pictures until hot tub time. Check out the view. *Note: this glorious view and amazing hottub is in the very backyard of yours truly!)

Somehow Erin & I were confused as to the theme of this shot

"Whoa bear!"

OKAY, time for a story....
Remember Fish Day on Monday? (see previous blog post for context) Well when I was walking on the beach with my new friend Adrienne, she mentioned that one of the middle aged (slightly creepy) male clients that was there on the beach had asked her if I was single and to put in a good word. She did not encourage him whatsoever but it was the subject of some humor as us female staff walked up and down the beach.
Well, when I came into my office yesterday morning (Wednesday), this is what greeted me:

The note went on to give his full name and number and to ask me please to call anytime, he "always has his phone on him". Finally, he urged me to keep smiling, because its beautiful.
At first I was certain this HAD to be a joke- Adrienne must be behind this...But an hour or so later it was confirmed that this bouquet and love note was most assuredly from this man. Adrienne said he had actually called her on Tuesday to see if I'd be in at work so he could have flowers delivered. When she told him that was not appropriate and was not a good idea, he replied with "why not? she's not MY counselor" and told her sometimes you "just know" and it was love at first sight. (Let it be known that I barely SPOKE to this man let along lingered in his company on the beach)

I was thankful that my group supervision was scheduled for that morning, so I was able to share this unexpected display of affection with my coworkers. It was helpful to hear more about this guy's nature and glean specific advice on how to tactfully reject his advances. Those of you who are probably actually reading this (hi roommates and lauras!) know that I dislike confrontation, so I delayed making the phone call until the afternoon. But I did it. It was horribly awkward and I had to explain boundaries and policy more than once, only to hear an irritated, "well, I'll just try again in November!" (whatever THAT means)

But now I can't say I've never received flowers from a man! haha... I was joking with the girls today...saying I know I prayed to find a man in Alaska, but I guess I need to be a little more specific. :)

After such a stretching phone call, I knew one thing that would immediately have a rejuvinating effect on my heart....

A BABY!!! So I stole a coworker's child from down the hall and had some quality one-on-one in my office. Seriously, how cute is HE!?

Fish Day! (and moving pt. 1)

2008-07-01T02:05:00.004-04:00

Today was a fun day at work- the Nakenu office closed from 1:30-5:30 for Fish Day! All staff and clients were invited to come down to the Kenai beach where the Kenaitze have a private site. We had potluck style snacks and a bonfire and a big set-net net up on pulley system. You can see in the photos below, but everyone grabs part of the line and walks toward the water, pulling it with them. This puts the net out deep in the water, then we wait and socialize, walk up and down the beach, drum, etc until its time to pull the net back in. I was able to take an whole salmon home! Mom fileted it and put it on the grill for dinner. Then Jim, Ibby and JoeBen came over with their truck and trailer and we loaded up all my things to take to my new apartment!!! yay!!! They were awesome- worked so hard! We were able to move everything in to the house. Tomorrow Katie, Mom and I are going back to unpack everything and get me settled in. I'll post pictures of the casa and my BREATHTAKING view! :) Enjoy the slideshow! :)

Moving:

Also, here's some updated pictures of the office:

2008-06-26T21:05:00.007-04:00

"From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea...Creation's revealing Your majesty"
I love Alaska... one of my favorite things about my state is this gorgeous drive from Soldotna to Anchorage (aka "the big city"). I put my WCC worship mix on repeat and sung praises there and back. BEAUTIFUL. God even surprised me with a breathtaking rainbow on the way home as I was driving on Turnagain Arm! Here's some pics and a video from the drive that I may or may have not taken while driving (oops!) :)

The Early Childhood Mental Health Conference was good- the information was somewhat overwhelming, but I definitely took away some great resources and little nuggets I can apply in my work. I really enjoyed the independence of the trip- being able to explore the city and check out new stores and delicious restaurants- I was so proud of myself that I was able to navigate on my own (armed with maps of course :) ) . I really enjoy this city. It has everything any other city has, plus wonderful cultural highlights and a breathtaking mountain/ocean backdrop.

Two new restaurants experienced and added to my list of favs: Gdoba's Mexican Grill and the Bear Tooth Grill. Delish.

While in Anchorage, I took advantage of the sales tax-free city and bought all the appliances I needed for the new house as well as fun kids books and other little treats. Aunt Kate hooked me up with some cool things as well and I was able to load up the company car for the ride home. Yay for no sales tax! Got home around 10:20ish and stayed up late with Katie and Michael laughing, goofing off and watching House (1313, there are good ones coming up!!! Prepare to be shocked!)

Today (Thursday) I did some fun things around town. Highlights included discovering a new coffeeshop and a SWEET used bookstore. (I'M SO EXCITED TO BE ABLE TO READ AGAIN...FOR FUN!!!!) I bought two Jodi Poucolt books and one by Diana Gabaldon. Haven't read works by either New York Times Besting author, but both came highly recommended. I'll be glad to give reviews once completed :)

I'm off to read!!!

twins

2008-06-21T23:06:00.003-04:00

Mom is spoiling me. It will be hard to adjust back to having to grocery shop and cook for one...I may just have to keep coming over here for dinner! :)

I'm exhausted. I almost fell asleep at the table after dinner while everyone was talking. It is hard to adjust to my new work schedule. But I am so grateful for it. Routine is good for me. I haven't had time/energy to be lonely! :)

Katie came in to the office today to help me assemble some bookshelves for my room. Good thing, because carpentry is not one of my strengths. :)

In between the manual labor I enjoyed playing with some adorable children. One of my co-workers regularly brings in her baby to work with her, plus my boss brought in her twin girls for part of the morning. Those children definitely don't lack the loving when they come into our building! :) The twins quickly discovered my beanbag chair and easy access phone!

this and that...

2008-06-21T03:10:00.008-04:00

Still love the new rig...
Alaska is truely the land of the midnight sun. These pics were taken at approximately 11:00 at night. I've been home nearly two weeks and have yet to experience darkness. I think new sunglasses may be a wise investment...

my office....a work in progress. they tell me my office furniture is coming... for now i'm enjoying my beanbag and invisible desk/computer/bookcase. :)

In addition to my sweet beanbag/pillow purchases for my future kid corner, katie and i also found a sweet modern shelf that I partially assembled last night. Katie models my work:

All those in Hoosier-land, no more complaining about gas prices... I filled up for the first time today...slightly terrifying:

This evening I checked out Mugz, a local coffee shop. (Sidenote: Alaska is definitely NOT lacking in coffeeshops- one of the things I love about this state!) Tonight Katie and Michael both played during the live music set. I'm not biased when I say we have some serious talent in our family. But be your own judge- I took mini videoclips so you can hear for yourself how amazing we are! :)

Here's Katie and two college friends...Katie and Kelsey always rock out sweet harmony :)

...and my baby brother, Michael:

new job, new rig, check, check!

2008-06-18T23:17:00.006-04:00

Our family has a tradition where we always take a picture on the porch on the first day of school, with our new school outfits and backpacks, etc. Well in the spirit of tradition, here's me on my back porch on my first day of work!

I am really going to enjoy working at Nakenu. There's something cool about sitting in my borrowed office and hearing the unique sounds of a chemical dependency group drumming and singing from the lobby. So cool :)

I will be moving into my office tomorrow, so pictures will be forthcoming (have to get all settled and make it cute first!) But I do have some pictures to share with you... I got my car!!!!!! She's beautiful- it was love at first sight!

Look at all that storage space! Makes me want to go camping...or shopping!!!

This car was definitely a God-thing. Such a steal of a deal!

The people that work here at Nakenu are really neat people...I am honored to be joining their team. I'll start meeting with my clients soon (there was a caseload waiting for me!) and next Mon-Wed I'll be in Anchorage for a Childhood Mental Health Conference. I'm pretty excited about that.

I'm off to pick up my brother- he's been in Anchorage the last few days for a football camp. I'll leave you with a few pics of some critters that have been hanging around the house :)

apology

2008-06-15T12:51:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry for my attitude the other day with not having anything to do here and being at a standstill. (can't move into apt until July 1st, can't get a car until after the 27th when I get my first paycheck, can't move into my office until my first day of work...) But I've been reminded just this morning of how you know what is best for me. My body has been crashing despite my lack of activity and just think how exhausted and rundown (and probably sick) I'd be if I was moving into my new home, not letting up until everything was done. Especially cuz I don't have many peers to distract me. So, anyways, I'm thankful. Thank you Abba for knowing me so well that you orchestrated the timing of my homecoming so that I would have rest. Ironic that when I felt restless the last thing I wanted to do was rest but that indeed (rest) is what you wanted for me.

Thank you. I'm thankful for being able to live rent free at my parent's home this month, not having to pay for food or anything. I'm thankful that my parents gave up their room and bed for me to sleep in. I'm thankful for use of family vehicles that they were already sharing but freely offer to me when I need them. I'm thankful for the freedom of no alarm clock and jet lag finally working for me, not against me. I'm thankful for a garage to store all my boxes and suitcases. I'm thankful for securing an apartment starting July 1st, and not just any apartment but one with an amazing oceanfront view of your mountains! I am thankful for a full time job with great benefits. I'm thankful for the opportunity to go to an outdoor worship service this morning and the inherent freedoms in that. I'm thankful that you love me despite my poor attitude and limited perspective at times. Thank you.

"pissing the night away...."

2008-06-13T21:41:00.003-04:00

This I know is true: I cannot pee on command.

I showed up at the health clinic early this morning for my pre-employment drug screen. Figured I would get it out of the way during their walk-in hours, plus I had just finished my morning cup o' joe, so what better time to provide a urination sample, eh?

I thought wrong. And grossly underestimated the amount of liquid needed to effectively perform this task.

Not once, but TWICE I had to zip up my jeans, ask for more aqua and re-claim my seat in the waiting room, double fisting my large plastic cups... hello, humiliation. I felt like such a failure.

But you know what they say...third time's the charm. And sure enough, an hour and a half after initially entering the office, after consuming well over a gallon of water, exchanging my jacket and purse for that iCup once again under the lab docs' cynical stares and re-entering that all too familiar restroom, the floodgates opened.

Mission accomplished.

I've been peeing intermittently ever since. :)

In other news... I went to check out a vehicle today.

http://anchorage.craigslist.org/car/717484700.html

I liked her a lot actually- she drives great- but towards the end of our examination of her, my uncle discovered a chain underneath that was bolting things together. hello red flag!

The search continues...

restless

2008-06-12T19:34:00.004-04:00

i'm beginning to wonder why I came so early.

the restlessness is full force.

I am craving productivity. I wish I could start moving into my new place or purchase a car or look for that microwave I need or start decorating or shelf books, etc in my new office... but I can't do any of those things. They are rearranging offices at Nakenu so I can't move in until my first official day next Tuesday. My new apartment (which is gonna be SWEET) is not available until July 1st, so I can't start moving stuff over or unpacking. I don't have enough money for a car until my first paycheck, so I cannot really search for or purchase one until after June 27th. Because of the need to save all my money for a car, I cannot really afford to go shopping for other things for the apartment.

So here I am, at a standstill. And restless as hell.

sigh.

North to Alaska...

2008-06-11T14:51:00.008-04:00

Ukraine turned out to be amazing. I did not have the best attitude about the trip in the weeks prior, but this was due to its timing and my longing to spend quality time in Dub Town with 1313 and my friends during that last week. But foregoing the trip was not an option (at least not if I wanted to graduate) and so I packed a suitcase and flew 20 some hours east to the former Soviet Union. By the time we finally reached our hotel (which will NEVER be forgotten due to hilariously horrific conditions- see Facebook for pictures), I had a talk with my Heavenly Father and a much needed attitude check. The subsequent week was great. But I have not the room or time to elaborate on it here. But I saw the fruits of the spirit personified in the staff at Mission to Ukraine and learned much about humility and servanthood and what God is doing in eastern Europe. And I miss Mama Sveta more than anyone!

We got back to Winona Lake Sunday afternoon, and I hit the ground running. SO much to get done and so little time. But it all was accomplished thankfully and I was able to enjoy my last evening home. The girls moved our prayer night to Monday night and, after catching up over yummy pizza and salad, had a beautiful time of blessing for me. They presented me a SWEET picture frame with pictures of me with each of them, words and phrases to describe me, and a verse picked by each of them. It was such a special time and their prayers meant so much to me. Thank you Jodi, Laura, Laura and Hannah- I love you girls!!

Laura Levon and Hannah drove me to Chicago O'Hare EARLY in the morning. Not only was I excited to fly first class, but having the tall attractive Adam as my seat partner made the flight to Seattle even more enjoyable. Apparently I have pretty eyes? Too bad he lives in Juneau and is moving to Iowa in September. Maybe its a sign from the Lord that there ARE indeed nice and attractive men in Alaska... :)

Mindy picked me up in Seattle and we spent the afternoon forever. She is a nanny for this cute little girl- while Zoe napped we played cards and caught up at the casa. Then we met up with Josiah at Ivens for some quality seafood treats. One the way Mindy showed me the famous Pikes Market and the very first Starbucks Coffeeshop! Plus we spotted the tallest man ever! Sweet! Yay for the Pacific Northwest!

Then back to the airport and my awaiting first class seat where I passed out for the remainder of my trip to Alaska. Mom, Dad, Katie and Michael picked me up in the Kenai Airport. It felt kind of weird being home, but as Katie reminded me "you've only been here 20 minutes!" It's my independence crying out I think- seems weird moving back home. It'll be better once I get a car and my own place.

The adventure begins...

3 am

2008-05-30T01:51:00.005-04:00

It is finished.
That blasted research paper.
Now on to packing for that Ukraine trip- when is that again? oh yeah...TOMORROW.
I've kissed sleeping goodbye.
But thats okay cuz it was gonna be the couch for me anyway because this is what my room looks like:

weird, huh?
The UPS peeps came today and took it all away. They were cool tho- nice married couple that do this together- how fun is that?

This is still so surreal...it's been such a whirlwind. I feel like I've been packing forever...and will be packing forever.
We leave for Ukraine tomorrow morning. Meeting at Alpha, driving to Indy, flying to Detroit, then an 8 hr flight to Amsterdam-Schiphol, Netherlands than a 3 hr flight to Kiev-Borispol, Ukraine. CRAZINESS. It still hasn't hit me that I'm seriously flying across the globe in a few hours...hahaha I really should start packing.
Pray for our team- I have no idea really what we're doing, but I promise I'll take a gazillion pictures and tell you all about it when we get back.

We get back here Sunday morning the 8th. Then I fly out of Chicago to Alaska really early on Tuesday morning (now THAT trip really hasn't settled in yet and I don't like really thinking about the realities of that too much cuz I get teary).

It's all happening sooo fast.

I still need to figure out my car. Seriously, any takers?? :)

2008-05-26T16:48:00.003-04:00

so i was somewhat in a funk this morning. This picture captures it well I think...

Thankfully, God softened my heart during my shower- weeping was good for my soul.

I am glad I can be a part of his redemptive work this weekend...

goodbye to my girls...

2008-05-26T15:45:00.004-04:00

long last weekend at lifeline... one of the coworkers had an injury so i ended up working at Riverwood and then finishing out with a third shift at Phase II. I'm so grateful this is my last 48 hr Lifeline shift EVER. Thank you Lord. I won't miss working those ridiculous hours, but I will miss my coworkers who became good friends and of course the girls! It was nice to spend time with my girls and say goodbye in my own special way. Our photo shoots were fun too!

I love my girls... what an honor to be a part of their lives!

My dad is my hero

2008-05-23T21:37:00.003-04:00

Seriously, my love and respect keeps growing for this man!! He was amazing today... helping me pack and dissemble my bed, researching shipping options, sharing wisdom with me and my roommate and engaging in deep conversations about abuse and church leadership and the similarities between African and Native Alaskan cultures... This man is amazing. To think I took him for granted for so many years. I am so grateful that maturity comes as I age...

So another awesome gift from God (via my Dad) is related to my plane ticket back home. If there is one task my Dad will always do for me, it is booking my flights. He is a phenomenal travel agent, I tell you what... :) He knows the ins and outs plus travels so much he racks up miles and can use them for perks for different airlines. Well he gave me the greatest gift today... 20,000 of his airline miles, which he was able to trade in for a FREE first class ticket home for me!!!! Amazing!!! As we were looking for nonstop flights, he mentioned offhand that one had a 8-hr layover in Seattle. I got super excited, because my stellar friend Mindy lives in Seattle! So a quick phone call and a few more minutes of Dad working his travel agent magic and it was all set!! I'm leaving on Tuesday morning June 10th out of Chicago then spending the day with Mindy exploring Seattle and then will continue my travels (first class, baby!) to Anchorage!!! It will be a long but glorious day! Seeing my friend Mindy will be an extra dose of sweet to my bittersweet emotions as I embark on this new chapter...

THANKS DAD!!!

library...check!

2008-05-21T08:08:00.000-04:00

So the inside of my arms are kinda scrapped up, but it felt great to check off the first of many items on my to-do list. Packing and taping up 4 boxes of books, each weighing 47, 43, 45, and 44 lbs respectively can really do a number on a girl! You should've seen me lugging them in the Winona Lake post office... thanks to those few random strangers who were kind enough to hold a door or two! :) I ended up having to go back home because my initial taping job was not sufficient. An hour later, my arms were massacred from turning those boxes over and over, but I can confidently deem those boxes indestructible- it doesn't get much more secure than that! So I sent my library north ahead of me...although with media mail there is a good chance I'll beat them home :)

Today holds more productivity for me. I'm still putting off that horrid Research & Stats paper assignment, but my thinking is if I can get some of this packing out of the way then I can crank out the paper next week! Oh how I can justify my procrastination... :)

Alyssa will be here in 38 minutes to help me go through 6 years of accumulated things. There will be many Goodwill runs before the day is out...

Anyone interested in a 2000 Ford Focus? Or know of a shipping company that could get the things I don't want to part with to Alaska??

highlights of yesterday:

Giving the healing gift of massage to a friend. Many of you may not know, but massage is definitely one of my gifts and something I am passionate about! I almost went to massage school instead of Grace, but I'm glad my life took this route. Nevertheless, massage continues to be one of my hobbies and I enjoy opportunities to break out the oils and further hon my skills.

Prayer night is always a highlight of my week. Last night Laura opened up her home and cooked a yummy lasagna meal for us. It was great to hear about everyone's week and share where we each are at... and then to talk to the Lord together. It was a beautiful thing.

The night could have ended then and been perfect, but God had another little treat in store for 1313... The first disk of season two of HOUSE had arrived earlier that day (thank you, Netflix!!) so roomies and I curled up with tea to watch Hugh Laurie in his element. Our goal is to get through season two before I leave... we'll see how that goes :)

glorious day!!

2008-05-19T13:23:00.000-04:00

anyone who knows me knows that I'm bad with favorites, but if you were to inquire as to my favorite store, I dont even think I'd hesitate. Maurices. I've been there within the last week! :) I have a feeling I'll be frequenting it a few more times before the big move as well- why? because we don't have one in Alaska and therefore I can justify purchasing more pieces to supplement the wardrobe...a girl needs new work clothes! :)

This entire day was glorious. I met my dear friend Kari at Courthouse Coffee and then we found some amazing deals at Maurices together. We split ways for a few hours- while she played soccer I ate lunch and attempted productivity at 1313. Then I met Kari near the trailhead in Winona and we embarked on a biking adventure. I hadn't ridden a bike in years...it was so much fun! We biked the trails then took to the streets, traveling through town to Pike's lake. It felt so amazing to be outside in the fresh air on this perfect day, so therapeutic for body and soul. We got back just in time for me to hop in Fiona the Focus and head to the counseling center for my 4'oclock client. Then I met Kari at Hacienda for the delicious Monday special...gotta love their famous wet burrito.

We had just enough down time afterwards to stop by Bath-n-Body Works so Kari could use her coupon (amazingly enough, I didn't buy anything there! It has to be a first! I'm a sucker for their marketing schemes!). While browsing that tasty smelling store, I introduced Kari to the amazing smoothing powers of the sugar scrub. She is still marveling the smoothness of her skin...

Next we headed over to North Pointe with time to spare before the start of our movie. I instantaneously saw a brilliant photo opp and we used the extra time well...

All in all, a great day. It was nice to come home with my bag of new clothes, put on pajamas and relax on the couch to enjoy a truffle and a glass of wine. Tomorrow I will be suffering from a bad case of bicycle butt, but for now I am basking in the gloriousness that was today. Thank you Lord :)

the surreal is chipping away...

2008-05-18T23:40:00.000-04:00

I broke the news to my girls at Lifeline this weekend. My voice managed to stay calm and light hearted as I explained to them why I was leaving, but my heart felt anything but light as I observed their reactions during that house meeting. Their actual responses varied greatly, but unanimously showed me that I had underestimated my importance in their lives. Faces fell, notebooks were thrown down, some girls went silent while others verbally protested, some withdrew and avoided me the rest of the day while several created excuses to be close. I felt incredibly loved and yet overwhelmingly sad... and that feeling of sadness continued to tug at my heart today.

Church was especially meaningful to me this morning, because I realized it was the last time Alyssa and I would be going to church together, playing "mom" to our entourage of girls. After the move, I would not only be adjusting to a very different church, but I would be looking for 1 seat instead of 10... a wave of loneliness came over me and the intensity brought silent tears. I hugged my friend as the growing awareness of what will be lost ached inside me. In the midst of that sad realization, God provided comfort through this song.

Your love is deep
Your love is high
Your love is long
Your love is wide

Deeper than my view of grace
Higher than this worldly place
Longer than this road I travel
Wider than the gap You filled

Who shall separate us
Who shall separate us from Your love
Nothing can separate us
Nothing can separate us from Your love

I am still confident that God is calling me to move to Alaska. I am still at peace about the move, and all the aspects that made me excited still do. Since accepting this job offer, the entire move has seemed somewhat surreal. To date my voice tone and attitude in all my conversations and active planning have reflected a carefree, positive outlook. Yet inside me all along has been a murky mess of conflicting feelings. I don't understand the timing of this process, but over the last few days sad feelings have been rising to the surface of my ambivalence. If you were to approach me today upon hearing news of my move and give me a hug, you would be far more likely to experience my tears.

feeling the love...

2008-05-15T23:37:00.000-04:00

some highlights from this week so far...

dinner with my childhood friend Laura:

surprise party @ the counseling center:the date of my first counseling apt

i lost it here...

i love these women...

Bonnie taught me all I know about working with kids!

Bill!!

Kathy, Me, Leah

Me and my girls- Hannah & Laura

Coffee date with Hannah:

Spontaneous lunch dates with Mel:

Amazing taco salad made by Hannah/prayer night @ 1313:

Amazing congradulatory treats from brother!!!

mocha truffles!!!
strawberry wine!!

His first Schoops experience... :)

Some soul sisters from Cancer Support Group...these women are warriors!

some of our little family :)
(not everyone could be with us tonight)

ode to a sandal

2008-05-15T14:34:00.000-04:00

Had any one of you been cruising along Center Street today, you may have just spotted yours truly walking in a lovely coordinated outfit...and no shoes. Why the missing footwear, you ask? Well it was not that rushed of a morning, and I'm by no means making any sort of statement...its just that midway through my errand filled day my right flipflop broke. Can I see a show of hands for anyone who has suffered from a spontaneously broken flipflop? If you are like me and you purchase relatively cheap (but gloriously comfortable and available in a wide assortment of colors) pair of flip flops from Old Navy, it is only a matter of time before you experience this disheartening event yourself. It always seems to happen at the most inopportune times. Like when out to lunch with some people that already make you slightly self-conscious and you feel the sudden freedom of one foot and think "CRAP...how do I subtly fix this before someone suggests another trip to the buffet line?" or you are light heartedly running towards or alongside someone only to trip over the suddenly loosened foot strap and plummet to the ground. Or in my case today, during a special visit to the private Catholic elementary school I counsel at for a carry-in teachers appreciation day lunch. Normally I wouldn't feel funny walking bare footed- I certainly have ditched my shoes on numerous occasions in a variety of settings. But among the gargantuan diamond wearing, country club mothers and their uniform-trapped children, I felt a little trashy walking barefoot. As least my purse was cute.

the winds of change...

2008-05-13T21:13:00.000-04:00

Well, it is official... and, after giving my boss my 2 weeks notice over coffee this morning, can now be publicly announced. I'm moving. I graduated with my masters in counseling earlier this month and have just recently accepted a job in Alaska. I feel completely at peace about this decision, which is somewhat surprising but yet not at the same time because God's hand has been so apparently involved in the process. I have been craving an adventure, and am excited to see what He has prepared for me in the last frontier! However, I do not pretend that this transition will be easy. My excitement for the future does not diminish my grief as I prepare to leave the life I have made here. Everything is about to change drastically. The move itself will be arduous- I'm still unsure how exactly I will be moving myself nearly 5,000 miles across country (Even if my beloved bedroom set did weigh under 50 lbs, I doubt it will fit in any suitcase!). I will be adjusting from working 50 hrs/wk with at risk teens + 2 internship sites + graduate coursework to a normal 40 hour work week with no other time commitments. Then there is the shift from counseling with other believers in a spiritually fostering environment to a secular agency that bills for Medicaid (hello, paperwork!) I will be leaving 1313, my healthiest roommate situation to-date and it's ridiculously affordable rent to pay 4 times as much to live alone. It may even become necessary to part ways with Fiona the Focus and that makes me sad in my heart. Although naturally there are less than savory aspects of living in rural Indiana, I do adore and will miss the sunsets, the trees, the crickets, the lakes, the city access yet small town feel...and more than anything, the people.

This change will involve loss. But I feel peace because I know in my heart that this is where the next chapter of my life is to take place. Alaska, and more specifically Kenai, is again going to become my home. Although I grew up in Alaska, much has changed in the last 6 years. My hometown is very different, but so am I. Gosh, when I pause to think how different Bethany Joy Thornton was at 18...oh my. I don't care to linger on all the events that have taken place and have molded me into the woman that types these words today. At least not tonight. :) I do know that the same God that has been continuously faithful these last 24 years promises to be with me today and tomorrow and the next day...and that there is no safer place to be than in the center of His will. He is inviting me to take a leap of faith and continue this journey in a different place. I'm excited to see His story evolve and honored to play a small part in it.

This blog (inspired by Jodi!) will hopefully be a medium of recording and communicating the goings-on of my life. To my Indiana family: know that I'd much rather catch up over coffee, in a backyard hammock, on a spontaneous windows-down roadtrip, or while browsing through Maurices, but I hope you'll come to appreciate this blog as one of many poor substitutes...at least until we all pool our PTO and can purchase plane tickets! :)